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Matthew

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the end [май. 25, 2005|02:52 pm]
Matthew
I convocated this morning, and with that my university career is over (for the forseeable future at least).
And this journal is over too. I'll start updating http://www.livejournal.com/users/tomorrowboy/ soon though, so you can add that to your friend's list if you want to.
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fade to dreamstate [май. 18, 2005|12:22 pm]
Matthew
The man sat there, eating dinner in the restaurant with his family. His wife and his daughter. They were having a good time, the food was good, nothing seemed to be a problem.
Then he blinked. When his eyes opened again he was no longer in the restaurant. He was somewhere else. He somehow knew that it was the future. Five years in the future to be exact*. He was surrounded by a group of people, but he didn't recognize any of them. He couldn't even remember what they looked like.
He heard a disembodied voice, or perhaps someone appeared in front of them and talked, but he couldn't remember what this person looked like either, only the voice.
The voice said "You will all be under my control by now. For some of you it will be years until I have gained control, for some days, for some only hours. And you" he said pointing** at the man, "have only thirty seconds until I gain control of you."
The man blinked again and was back in the restaurant. He panicked. He had only thirty seconds to escape the control this person would hold over him. He did not know who the person was but he knew he did not want to be under his control.
He quickly excused himself and left the table asking a waiter where the bathroom was. He entered the bathroom in the back of the restaurant and smashed a lightbulb. Cutting his wrists he lay on the floor dying. Despite this he felt that he had escaped the fate that he was supposed to have.

Later he returned to his family. They had been grieving. For him, but they saw him and realized everything was okay.
This continued to happen. When people could not see him they assumed he was dead and grieved or got on with their lives. He would show up to work as they discussing hiring someone new, for they thought he was not coming back. But he did come back, day after day. And day after day everyone was reminded that he still existed. When they saw him they knew he was alright, they treated him normally and did not even remember the grief.
The man was puzzled. Why was this happening? What had happened that night in the restaurant that caused people to grieve for him?
He had escaped something that night, but it seemed as if he had not been meant to escape, and that the world was doing it's best to get on without him.


*Well, not exactly, but approximately.
**I guess he did have a body.


I woke and realized this dream was amazing and that I should write it down. I didn't then, but I had to remember it. I dreamed other dreams, and talked of this dream in those dreams. It was strante.
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moan moan weep weep [май. 17, 2005|01:41 pm]
Matthew
I am sad and lonely.
I am depressed.
I need something to do with my time (a job).
I have no qualifications.
I have
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cloudy [май. 13, 2005|12:30 pm]
Matthew
When you haven't
seen the sun
in a week
it is depressing
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In memory of [май. 12, 2005|07:28 pm]
Matthew
I'm not sure if I should post it (a lot of it's stupid), but I guess I will now that I've written it.

===================
She was neither the first person I had known to die nor was hers the first dead body I had seen, but I think that Kristine Cadigan had a bigger impact on me then those that had come before.
The first death of someone I had met, that I am aware of at any rate, was my grandfather. I believe he was my maternal grandfather, but I cannot be sure at this moment. I do not recall the instant of his death, nor indeed even ever meeting him. However there are photographs featuring both of us indicating that we did meet. At what age did he die? I cannot be sure. Probably before I had turned six, maybe even before then. Whenever it happened I cannot say that it had that large an impact.
In my first year of university, I think it may have been my first semester, the first real death related to me occurred. This was the death of my grandmother, at the time my last living grandparent. While other elderly relatives had died in years previous I was unable to put names to faces as I saw them but rarely. Despite seeing my grandmother with, perhaps, the same lack of frequency, I can still recall what she looked like and specific memories of her. Her death has, however, had little effect on me. The brief shock led me to miss a psychology test, but the death of someone I was not particularly close to, saw only rarely and who lived thousands of kilometers away had little long term effect. I did not go the funeral (in Ireland) nor do I care that I did not go.
Several years ago the sister of my best friend in (I think) grade's five and six died. I do not remember her well (she was very tall to eleven year old me) but still, she was just a few years older then me and had died after being hit by a car. I do not remember exactly why I had stopped being friends with my friend, something incredibly stupid more then likely, but I wished that it had not happened so that I could help to comfort him and his family if needed. I went to the...celebration of her life? I am not quite sure what to call it, and found the death of a young person incredibly depressing. Part of the presentation lodged itself in my brain and today I hate the phrase "hoka hai" because of the memories it brings back.
Last year (or it may have been the previous year) two of my parent's friends in London, England died. I did not know them well, but I had met them and their deaths (one that of natural causes, the other murder) were shocking to me.

The bodies I have seen (in real life, for I have seen pictures of dead bodies before) are far more limited then this. Egyptian mummies (and perhaps other preserved bodies from around the world) in the British Museum (and perhaps other museums). But these are hardly seen as dead bodies. They are curiosities at which to gawk, removed of their humanity.
Three years ago there were the bodies at the kunstkamera (curiosity museum) in St. Petersburg, Russia. Room after room of preserved, deformed, babies. I found it incredibly distressing.
Again three years ago in Russia, Moscow this time, the first dead body that actually looked like a person. Vladimir Illych Lenin. He seemed to glow, he seemed as if he was merely asleep. It was a bizarre experience, made only stranger by the way in which he was presented (under a glass case in a mausoleum) and the armed guards surrounding him.
Last summer I again saw the Egyptian mummies, this time in Toronto, and I found it so strange to see them and for them not to be treated as human.

Then there is the case of one of my cats, Tango, who died while I was in high school, hit by a car. Alive one instant and dead the next. I did not see her killed, but I saw her body and even today I am saddened when I think of her.

Which brings us to the present. When one of my friends has died due to surgery complications only a week after her twenty first birthday. She was not one of my close friends, but she is probably the closest person to me to die so far in my life. I still find it hard to believe that I will never again see her take a photograph. Never again see her throw a frisbee. Never again see her.

Kristine, for my two years at the Muse you were probably my most dedicated photographer. You kept coming back despite the fact that I'm an idiot. You always loved taking photos, and I cannot express how glad I am that there was someone who desperately wanted to take photos of things I did not care about (namely basketball games). Your photos of these games were often better then the ones I took because you cared about what you doing, rather then I who saw it as one of the less positive parts of his job. I remember how happy you were when I gave you the printouts of your photos at the volunteer appreciation night. It was a small gesture on my part, but you really seemed to appreciate it. I only wish that we had more photos that you had taken so that your name could continue to see print for a long time to come. It probably will anyway.
You were also on the executive for the Ultimate Society. We didn't really do much, but we existed, we encouraged people to play ultimate, and we played ultimate. I remember when you skipped church one week to show up and play intramurals with us. I remember last summer when you ended up joining a team you didn't really know anyone on and winning the championship.
I remember you smiling, always smiling. Always trying your hardest at whatever it was you were doing, whether that was taking photos or playing frisbee. I regret not showing my appreciation for you more while you were alive, but things like this aren't even ones that show up in my wildest dreams. I am usually flying in different dimensions before something like this brings me back to Earth.

I have no religion, but know that you and your family do. It will probably bring them comfort, at least a little, while I will gain none from this area. I will think of my life and how I should live it. Do what I want to do so that I will have few regrets. Organize my life. Try not to worry. Do my best.

I will remember you in your coffin, that you were dressed in a way I think you would have wanted. I will remember staring at the flowers from the Muse and the Ultimate Society. Hearing lots of people recite something (the rosary) that just confused me. Meeting your sister and how she said you were always talking about the Muse.
But more often I will remember you laughing and smiling. Always smiling.
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atc 872 [май. 9, 2005|06:53 pm]
Matthew
Not the greatest scan.



also I burnt my fingers a bunch making muffins yesterday.
I've discovered that you can substitute anything and muffins will turn out okay. Don't have any milk? substitute water. Or frozen pina colada mix.


--------------

Holy shit. I'm numb. that's not supposed to happen to people my age.
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weekend things [май. 6, 2005|04:35 pm]
Matthew
Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day
So go to a comic book store and get a free comic from the ones listed on that site.
Yay comics.

To celebrate free comic book day (sort of) myself and my fellow comic nerd Rodney are watching lots of comic based movies and tv shows at my house. Feel free to drop by sometime after 7 tomorrow evening.

We'll be watching Man-Thing!
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matthew "disaster" murray [май. 4, 2005|10:31 am]
Matthew
Yesterday morning Sheena left to go back to Labrador. I'm not going to see her for a long time. Not even "until September" but "probably at least a year."
And it means we're over. It's hard. It's brutal. I don't know what to do at all.I just lost a major part of my life.
To add to the generally bad events I got really sick yesterday. I spent a lot of the night throwing up. But that is not the most important thing that happened last night.
No, a fire is the most important thing.
I was woken at, fuck, 3:30? I guess. I really don't know, by my roommate Sarah. A house or two down the block is on fire. All the houses on our block are joined together pretty much so it equalled "danger!" Our house is starting to fill with smoke. Sarah grabs Johnny Cash and goes... somewhere. Where are you Sarah?
I grab Molly's rats because Molly isn't home. And I eventually end up at my parents house, where I spent the night puking. My throat feels terrible right now. And my stomach isn't doing that much better.

I fully expect that wherever I am three or four months from now will have either an earthquake, a hurricaine or tornado, or a meterorite or something. Whatever the next element after water and fire is.
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frisbee [апр. 7, 2005|03:20 pm]
Matthew
The Memorial University Ultimate Society Presents:

The first ever Ultimate Marathon!


Friday, April 8th
5:00-9:00
MUN Old-Gym

Have you ever been playing frisbee and you just don't want to stop?
Well my friends, now it's time to test your endurance, as one game will be played for four hours straight in the old MUN gym! Yeah, the only chance for rest is subsitutions, so you better get ready for it.

Here's how it will go down, two teams will be made, and will cycle their players with substitutions. Score will be try to be kept, even if the final does go over 100 points.

For life on the sidelines, there will be some refreshments, as well as some mini-competitions. The actual game will have some awards too, so make sure you bring the A game.

The tournament will be free for MUN students. All you have to do is go to the front desk and check in. Make sure to get your wristband so that the Field House staff does not bother us. We will be playing in the old gym, which is in the phys. ed. building.

If you're not a MUN student, you will have to pay the $5 drop-in fee. Unfortunately, the society can't pay it for you. We also ask that you do pay, because the Field House management has been very good to usto give us this much time.

After the game, we will be easing the muscular pain with some beers, either at MUN's own Breezeway, or maybe home of ultimate drinking (no not Joe Coady's) Big Ben's Pub in Churchill Square.

If you have any other questions, feel free to contact John Rieti at 746-8379, and he will clarify any questions you may have, like how he got to be so much better than Greg Pike, and how generally awesome he is. Matthew Murray, Lisa Perry and Angela Wareham will also be at your disposal.

That is all that can be said, so please folks, do it up.
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university [апр. 7, 2005|01:56 pm]
Matthew
So I'm done. My last class complete. My last essay handed in. I've got two exams left and that's it. I graduate (as long as I pass both exams).

It's weird. It's scary. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.
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